The Republicans are debating again this weekend. Americans are debating whether this is a primary or a prank. And while we contemplate Ashton Kutcher as the Republican nominee (and Demi Moore as First Cougar), the Des Moines Register and Republican Party of Iowa are sponsoring the latest incarnation of this particular cautionary tale at Drake University. This should be the worst thing to happen to that school since my uncle went there in the ’60s.
In honor of this blessed opportunity to mock Rick Perry publicly, we are offering Adios, Mofo: Why Rick Perry Will Make America Miss George W. Bush for the low price of $2.99. Normally it’s on sale at Amazon for $8.99. So this is less. If the Texas public school system were better, I could calculate the percentage it’s discounted. I worked it out in my head and it came to 66.6% off, but that can’t be right. It’s just not Christian.
When the Register poll had him at 6%, we were going to index the price of the book to his poll numbers in Iowa, but now the dumb bastard is rising in the polls and doubling down on his media buy. Wouldn’t it be funny if Rick Perry won Iowa? I know some jackwagons in New York City who would find it hilarious. Bless their hearts.
And that’s not all, if you order two copies of Adios, Mofo it’s only $6. And all proceeds will go towards our local liquor store, because it’s so important to spend locally, especially at this time of year, no?
If your household has a surfeit of booze and you a glut of forbearance for those less intellectually fortunate, you can watch Michele Bachman and the Seven Dwarves trip over their talking points on ABC Saturday night at 8 pm Texas time. If you’re scoring at home (or even if you’re alone), this will be the first debate with Newt Gingrich as a frontrunner. He apparently failed to have his preferred format approved. The rest of the Republican field will not be seated in school desks listening to him lecture on his pseudo brilliance.
This weekend. Adios, Mofo. $2.99.
PS: One of the best things about writing a book with James Moore are his old man stories:
I like Drake University. Ran the fastest mile of my life there. 4:04 in the Drake Relays. I was in a race with Jim Ryun in the open mile. It was quarter-finals. I stayed with him for 3/4 mile. Hit the bell lap at 2:59. He finished in 3:55. I was coming off the curve when he broke the tape.
I decided to go into journalism.
As much as I tease him for his impressively advanced age, I should also mention that he has a fancy new blog. Check it out. He writes on it and everything.